Golden First Birthday

It has been almost a year since I last updated my Unsilent Struggle blog.  The boys turned one on July 1st making it their golden birthday.  The past year has been the hardest, most rewarding year of our lives.  We have had to learn to ride the way of chaos like none other parenting an older sibling and twins while living in 5 different homes. We breathed a sigh of relief on their birthday knowing we survived the first year.  It will all be downhill from now on, right? Ha!

It's hard to believe that two years ago we began our horrific second round of IVF that ended in a drawn out ectopic pregnancy.  Then we jetted off to Hawaii to regroup and decided to try one last round which lead to our two beautiful boys.  Two years later and our house is full of the laughter of 3 kids who we fought like crazy for.  The journey has not been easy but it has ended with so much sweetness.

Our boys are completely different from each other.  No one believes us that they are twins.  Finn has been a consistent 6 lbs heavier and is built like a linebacker.  He lives to eat and is totally laid back unless food is involved.  He is our sensitive baby who feels things deeply.  Larsen is the fun loving, fearless, mischievous twin.  He is small but mighty and shocked us all when he started walking at 10.5 months.  Together they make the perfect combo.

I've thought many times over the last year about updating the blog, but it has been so hard to find time to collect my thoughts and write anything concrete.  What I do know more than ever is that parenting is hard work and God is way better than we ever thought He was.

To all of you reading this blog who are still waiting on their miracles, I have tears in my eyes thinking of your aching hearts.  There is truly nothing easy about the road you are on.  You are constantly on my heart and prayers as you drudge through your own journey.  Please know that you are not forgotten.  If this is your first time here I have detailed the ups and downs of our story on this blog.

For their first birthday we gave the boys a cake smash photo session (or maybe it was more for their mama) and I am blown away by the shots our photographer was able to get.  All the photo credit goes to Following Seas Photography

www.followingseasphotography.com

The Day We Became a Family of 5

It's been a while since my last blog, but I am proud to announce that on July 1st we welcomed our twin boys into the world at 8:13 p.m. and 8:14 p.m.  Larsen Michael was 5 lbs. 3 oz. and 18 3/4 inches long, while Finn Ryan was 5 lbs. 11 oz. and 19 inches long.  They were born at 35.5 weeks and were completely healthy and happy little boys who didn't need any sort of assistance.  We were so happy to finally see their faces!

Until 31 weeks I had a totally normal pregnancy and most of the time forgot the fact that I was carrying twins besides feeling movements all over my stomach.  At 31 weeks I started having intense pre-term contractions that sent me to L&D.  Thankfully I didn't have any dilation, and it stayed like that for weeks.  Every day I battled the contractions and was on medicine to slow them down.  At 35 weeks I went back to L&D where they worked their magic to slow them down again to try to get me to 36 weeks.  Then, a few days later, the contractions had their way and wouldn't slow down after hours at the hospital.  We discussed it with our doctor and decided it would be best to go ahead and do the c-section because of the stress it was causing to my body.  Carrying almost 11 lbs. of just babies is hard work!

I had an emergency c-section with Anna that was a little traumatic because of a cord prolapse condition. I was really hoping for a different experience this time.  This time around everything was absolutely perfect!  I wouldn't change anything about my birth experience.  My c-section was absolutely beautiful.  I was being taken care of by a doctor that I saw at every single appointment who was there for us day and night throughout the pregnancy.  My doctor was so good about walking me through everything he was doing, and I was never worried the whole time.  Everything went so smoothly, and minutes later Michael watched our doctor pull both boys out.

The rest of our 5 night stay at the hospital was incredible.  I really didn't want to leave.  We had the best nurses, and our boys were being monitored closely but still got to spend a lot of time with us in our room.  We spent our 4th of July snuggling our babies who showed up 4.5 weeks early.  Anna was really excited to meet her baby brothers too!  

I love that all 3 of our kids are complete miracles.  Our journey to get them was different, but they have stories that are backed by a lot of prayer.  I am constantly reminded of how perfect God's timing is.  They came at the perfect time as my doctor said my uterus was starting to get really thin and could've ruptured if we waited much longer.  Also he confirmed the necessity of us doing IVF because of what was going on in my body.  So far the nights are long and the days are short, but we are so grateful for the opportunity to have not one but two babies again.  They are the sweetest little boys who we will cherish for the rest of our lives.  Thank you for following our story!

Almost 25 Weeks!

On Saturday we will hit the big 2-5 week point in our twin pregnancy!  This feels like a major milestone for us just because it's when our doctor said more restrictions would be put into effect.  I've been placed on a travel ban which is totally fine by me and will start a modified bed rest this weekend.  It sounds much worse than it actually is.  I basically have to lay down every two hours for 15 minutes to make sure I'm not contracting.  Plus a few other things.  I love the idea of having permission to rest whenever I need to.  Our doctor is the go to doc for twin pregnancies in the area, and he has seen a lot of his patients carry their twins to full term using this method.

Today we had an appointment where we heard both the heart beats and had another ultrasound.  So far I am measuring around 32 weeks which is normal when there are two in the picture.  The boys are constantly growing and are pretty much the same size which is great.  Every time we see them they look more human.  They definitely look like they are running out of room in there.  They are both head down and head to head.  One is never shy about showing off his profile, and the other seems a little more reserved.  Their sweet profiles look just the way I remember Anna's.

They seem to get more and more active as the weeks fly by, and it is the most amazing thing feeling two babies kicking at once.  I remember wondering if I would ever get to feel another baby kick, and here I am now a year after we started our first round of IVF feeling two babies!  It is amazing to think about all that can happen in a year.

So for now we are hanging tight hoping the boys won't make their appearance for another 12 weeks (Mid July).  We aren't working on any kind of nursery since we will move shortly after they are born and don't have any room in our California bungalow, but I am having fun baby bargain shopping!

Gender and Name Reveal

Hello again! It's been a while since I last blogged. So far I have had a pretty uneventful pregnancy minus a bleeding scare at 16 weeks which was terrifying especially coming off an ectopic pregnancy. Thankfully my doctor doesn't mind 5 a.m. phone calls, and he got me in for an ultrasound and check up a few hours later. Everything was fine, and we moved forward.

Today marks 19 weeks and 2 days with these sweet twins, and it was also our big anatomy scan. It was a little anticlimactic because we found out a few weeks ago what we were most likely having. The beauty of having twins is the unlimited amount of ultrasounds that happen at every appointment! Still, the half way point is an important time in pregnancy where they can see a lot more.  We were relieved to hear all the genetic testing came back normal and that the twins are growing right on schedule.

Also some big news was confirmed that we are indeed having... TWO BOYS!!!

For some reason I had a feeling from the start that it was two boys. They are fraternal twins, so it could've been any combo. This was all I did for a gender reveal to announce our exciting news. We told Anna, and at first she was really upset about not getting a brother and a sister, but by the end of the day she warmed up to the idea. Now she tells everyone she is going to be the queen.

We also decided to reveal their names and explain why we chose them. Since they are still moving around and switching places in the womb right now, we aren't assigning who gets what name until they are here.

Our first name is Larsen Michael. Larsen was my great grandmother's maiden name who I was named after. We have always had a Larsen Michael in mind since we set out on this journey to have a family. I love last names as first names, and we both have been drawn to this name. We chose Michael as the middle name, so he would have his dad's name.

Our second name is Finn Ryan. As well as being a naval officer, Michael is really into sailing, and I grew up around water and boats, so we wanted a nautical name for one of the boys. We started looking and both really liked the name Finn, so we went with it. Ryan is Michael's middle name, so we chose that so they would both have a piece of their dad's name. Here are their sweet profiles!

It has been an exciting day, and we are so grateful for the news of healthy boys. We are still trying to wrap our minds around the idea that there are two babies growing in there! Now we wait, pray, and hope I can carry these babies as long as possible! Thanks for sharing in our exciting news. 

Graduation Day

Today we graduated to a regular OB!  It felt so weird stepping into a doctor's office other than the fertility clinic.  There was a noticeably different vibe in the office as it exists to support the already pregnant ladies whereas the clinic's main focus is surmounting the challenges to help people get pregnant.  I was so excited and counted down the days until this appointment.

So far we LOVE our doctor.  He spent so much time with us discussing twin pregnancy and how they will do whatever they can to help me go as long as I need to be able to have healthy twins.  We were thrilled to hear that they will be doing an ultrasound at every appointment.  I've already had the same number of ultrasounds as I did in Anna's whole pregnancy.

The ultrasound was awesome.  The babies looked like humans this time.  We could see their legs and hands, and they were kicking and waving like crazy.  It was also entertaining to watch the doctor find two heart beats on the doppler before the ultrasound.  I am 10 weeks 4 days today, and both babies were measuring right at 11 weeks.  So they are growing strong and have very active heart rates.  It was amazing to see all of their details on the screen.

Until 25 weeks it will be a pretty regular pregnancy.  I'll see the doctor once a month, and then we will switch to once every two weeks.  It looks like we will find out the genders in early March.  After 25 weeks I will have a lot of restrictions to prevent pre-term labor and keep the babies healthy.

It still hasn't hit me that we are going to have two babies.  I'm not sure when it will!  Anna is very excited for her "baby brother and baby sister" as she calls them.  Try explaining to a 4 year old that it also could be two girls or two boys.  She will not have that notion.

Thank you again for your prayers!  We are still taking things day by day and celebrating each milestone in this somewhat long process.  I will continue to keep all of you posted on our progress when we have another appointment in February.

Breaking the Silence With Good News

Many of you know that at the very end of October we embarked on our 3rd round of IVF.  After the heart break of our ectopic pregnancy in August we took a break and traveled to Hawaii, just the two of us, to heal and re-group.  It was such a refreshing time which got us ready for a fresh round of IVF in November.  We met with our doctor beforehand, and he assured us that ectopics were flukes and he was very confident that we would get pregnant.

Since it was a fresh round, we started from scratch.  It definitely didn't go exactly how we planned, but that rarely happens in life.  We were shocked on the day of the retrieval when our doctor told us that there were only 5 mature eggs (apparently 32 is not the new 22 when it comes to producing massive amounts of eggs to be fertilized).  We were hoping for a lot more so we would have countless tries at frozen rounds.  My acupuncturist was so encouraging through the whole round reminding me that we were looking for quality embryos not quantity.  Out of the 5, we ended up with 3 strong embryos.  We were also set on using 5 day embryos, not 3 day ones because it seemed like my body responded the best to the 5 day ones.  Thankfully our doctor felt the same way and let our embryos grow for 5 days despite how few we had.

Then, on November 13th, we transferred a 3AB and a 4AA (these only make sense if you speak IVF) embryo.  We had a sense that this had to be the one and that one of these babies was going to stick.  It was pretty much our last shot.  See picture below of our two "beautiful" embryos.

I was an absolute mess during the wait after the transfer.  I was still recovering from the egg retrieval and trying to stay relaxed.  When we went in for our first blood test I was convinced it didn't work.  We got our results at the lab and it said I was pregnant.  The lab techs who were there knew me from our many months of blood draws, and they were literally jumping up and down with excitement.  I still felt a little nervous because with the ectopic, we found out on the second blood test something was wrong.  

So we waited another 48 hours for the next test and the number more than tripled.  Then it tripled again, and more than doubled after that.  I think our nurse immediately thought twins but for some reason I felt like it was one strong baby.  Our almost 4 year old thought differently.  From the start she has claimed that it is two babies.  We tried to prepare her that it could only be one, but she wouldn't accept it! 

Then we waited another two weeks for our first ultrasound on December 10th when I was 6.5 weeks pregnant.  What do you think showed up??  Two sacs of course.  I immediately asked if there were babies in those sacs, and the doctor showed us two beautiful babies in two sacs.  We held back tears as we saw them for the first time and heard their strong heart beats.  Everything looked great.  The twins were growing right on target and had strong heart beats at 124 and 125 bpm.  You can hardly see them in this picture because how tiny they were and Twin A was nuzzled close to the lining.

Sorry for the length of this post, but there's been a lot to cover!  On December 23rd we had our second and final ultrasound at the fertility clinic when I was 8.5 weeks along.  That's when we saw two thriving babies with strong heart beats.  We even got to see them wiggling around, and they were very active.  Twin B is the one that is harder to see and was definitely the more active one.  After this appointment we were officially released to a regular OB.  Our doctor was so pleased with how they looked.  We are very grateful for all they did for us to help our dreams come true. 

There is never a "safe" time to announce a twin pregnancy, so I wanted to blog to share our story but also to ask for more prayers for these two babies and this pregnancy.  We still feel like we have a long road to travel to hold these babies in our arms, but we are taking it one day at a time and celebrating every milestone along the way.  Today I am 9.5 weeks along and working through lots of typical pregnancy symptoms.  Every day I am in awe of what God has done in giving us these amazing Christmas presents.  

We are so grateful and excited about what is ahead.  Please cover these babies in prayer as they continue to grow.  I will head back to the doctor January 7th and probably every couple of weeks after since it is twins.  We are so thankful for your support and prayers! 

A Wish for Another Chance

My new favorite app is Timehop.  Most of you know I am a picture freak, and I constantly over share with the rest of social media, so my Timehop every day is full of old pictures from the past few years.  I love looking at it in the morning and remembering those times.  The best ones are pictures of Anna from 2 and 3 years ago.  I hardly remember what it was like when she was so small.  This, among many other reasons, is why I'm asking for one more chance.

To spare you from reading through the many blog posts I've written, I'll sum it up.  We have been experiencing secondary infertility for two years mostly because of my body reacting poorly to my emergency c-section and wrapping the important parts of my reproductive system up in nasty scar tissue.  I am coming up on my one year anniversary of the laparoscopic surgery that brought the news that would turn our world upside down.  Our doctor informed us that the only way to expand our family would be through IVF.  The silver lining of the c-section drama is that we have a beautiful little 3.5 year old girl for whom we will be forever grateful as she blesses our life every single day.

We switched over to the infertility world about 6 months ago and have undergone two rounds of IVF (one fresh round and one frozen).  Throughout this time we have felt so thankful for what we have but still yearn for one more child or children to complete our family.  So all 3 of us have a huge wish.  We wish to be able to do this all again, to welcome another baby to our family.  It's hard not to want another one when I look at my sweet girl and her pictures from baby days.

So God please give us one more chance.  I promise we will love and welcome another Cribbs baby into the lonely crib that has been laying dormant in our garage for a while now.  We trust in your timing and hope for good news soon.  I mean how could you not want another one after seeing this picture?  Yes I am extremely biased!