Last night I ordered prenatal vitamins. This may not seem like a big step to most, but it was for me. When we started the journey for a second child almost two years ago, my doctor gave me prenatal vitamins to take to prepare myself for getting pregnant. I took them with lots of excitement hoping for another miracle. After many months of trying and going through disappointment, I decided to stop taking them. To me it was a waste of money and too emotionally painful to continue to take these pills when there was no baby in sight. After saving them for when I would need them, I had to throw them away a few months ago after they reached their expiration date.
The pills along with the baby gear seemed to taunt me daily. Every time I passed the medicine cabinet or went into the garage they were all reminders of what hadn't happened. At the time it was unexplained secondary infertility, and "unexplained" is really code for painful frustration. When we moved to California and into a smaller garage we had a rummage sale and sold pretty much all of our baby gear. I needed a fresh start and couldn't look at it any more. Truthfully I thought if maybe I sold it all then I would get pregnant. You wouldn't believe the thoughts you have when struggling with infertility. I know thousands of women can relate to this.
Then in November I had surgery, and unexplained secondary infertility turned into a snowball of infertility diagnoses stemming from previous pregnancy hormones, scar tissue from my c-section, and a few other problems. There was a silver lining though. The most important parts, the ovaries and uterus, were preserved making it possible to be a good candidate for IVF.
It's interesting to see what has happened over the past 6 months. The baby gear and pregnancy announcements don't sting as much any more. Maybe it helps that things aren't unexplained anymore. Yesterday my medicine arrived, and we stared at what the next few weeks or months would look like. I still can't believe we are doing this, but don't get me wrong, we are SO thankful to have the option.
So to those who might still be experiencing the sting that comes from staring down the pregnancy announcements and baby gear, I can say from my experience that if you don't let this experience make you bitter, the sting will hopefully subside. Tuesday I will start the prenatal vitamins again, and I will do so with a hopeful heart.
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I don't know you, but I will keep you in my prayers. I was a nanny for triplets for years. I never thought I'd nanny 3 beautiful baby girls until I received a call from a friend of mine telling me that her fruitily treatment worked. She and her husband tried very hard for years to get pregnant. Year after year they tried. It was becoming her worst nightmare to find out that she would never be able to have any babies. If you believe in God then you know that He's a BIG God. God's timing is always perfect! So anyways, my friend went through every possible treatment....she finally gave everything she had to The Lord and he provided her and her husband triplets. They are now 6 years old and doing well. Please be patient with God. He loves you...seek him with all your heart and then see what happens when you do that. God bless you! Be blessed and encouraged today. -Mo
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