4 Years Ago

Around this time of year I always get nostalgic because of something God did 4 years ago.  On Saturday, June 21st, I will turn 32 years old.  My birthday has taken on new meaning because of the coolest miracle I received 4 years ago on my 28th birthday.  This miracle testimony has deepened our faith and relationship with God.

Four years ago we were living in South Carolina, and I was about to have laparoscopic surgery for what the doctor suspected was endometriosis.  We had been praying like crazy for a baby for 10 months.  It felt like an eternity, which is funny because that's nothing as we are approaching our two year mark this time around.  We were weeks away from moving and being apart for nine weeks.  I remember my amazing women's small group and how they prayed week after week for us to get pregnant before we left Charleston.  It didn't look like that was going to happen since I was scheduled for surgery the first week of July.

I remember the day so clearly.  Michael was in prototype and doing "lovely" shift work.  Since he was on night shift he was sleeping during the day when I decided, on a whim, to take a pregnancy test.  I was stressed that my cycle was off because I wanted to be ready for surgery.  I took the test for the peace of mind to know my period was coming.  As I waited for the results I think I was making myself a birthday cake.  I couldn't believe it when I saw the two lines.  How could it be?  I thought I needed surgery for this to happen?  I immediately woke Michael up, and we just looked at it in disbelief.  We bought two more tests just to be safe.

This was us all smiles when we went out to dinner to celebrate the good news and my 28th birthday.  Yes I spent a lot of time in the sun so my hair was almost white.

A few days later I walked into what was supposed to be my pre-op appointment and shared with the doctor our news.  We were thrilled, and after an ultrasound confirmed a strong heart beat and wiggly baby, we were relieved.  A few days later Michael and I went separate ways and weren't reunited until around 20 weeks when we found out we were expecting a girl.  

So as you can imagine, my birthday has become a day of rejoicing the news of our first miracle.  It's pretty hard to top that kind of present!

That February she came into our lives without warning, 3 weeks early, and turned our lives upside down.  She knows how to push ALL of our buttons but brings us so much laughter and delight at the same time.  She loves to tell us that she's a miracle and prays every night for Jesus to give her a baby brother.  When our first round of IVF didn't go as we expected, in her own little way she grieved with us.  We long for the day she becomes the big sister she keeps asking to be.  It's not uncommon for her to see other kids with siblings and announce to the people around her, "I'm going to have a baby brother.  The baby is in mommy's belly."  I think my face turns bright red as all eyes turn to me with that "Are you pregnant" look.  She doesn't let anyone push her around but at the same time is such a sweetheart.  I could go on and on about how amazing our Anna Kathleen is.  Every day she is our walking and talking miracle and proof that God can do anything. 

I've wrestled with so many questions through this season of waiting and have come to the conclusion that I can't afford not to believe for the best.  My great grandfather once said "Never give up to the idea that it won't work out.  You've got to go forward.  The momentum of your faith will carry you through."  Most of the questions I've wrestled with can't be answered, but I know I can't give up to the idea that it won't work out.  I believe that one day it will be our turn again just like it was when we got pregnant with Anna.  One of my wise friends once said "It's not a matter of if you get pregnant, it's when."  So we will keep "waiting our turn," and one of these days our number will be called again.  Let's just hope it's sooner than later before these birth control pills take my last thread of sanity.  

I gave myself a pep talk today after feeling down about the immense amount of heartbreak we have gone through over the past couple of years.  I picked up a book I read a few months ago, Supernatural Childbirth, and found this quote, "There comes a time when you have to stand on the Word of God and say, 'No I reject the defeat and the disappointments of the past.  I'm not receiving that anymore.  I'm going to stand on God's Word and have God's best.'"  So here we are, back at this point where we are standing on God's word expecting His best.  Not because we deserve it, but because He has proven Himself a good Father to Michael and me time and time again.