Bad News Bears

Over the past fews weeks we have received nothing but bad news.  Our pregnancy seemed to be doomed from the very start.  We did continue to hope despite the weird numbers that we would be that one pregnancy that made it.  Our faith was tested multiple times as we rode the IVF roller coaster that seemed to be very cruel to us.

Today I had some sharp pains, and because of the risks the doctor sent me right to the ER to be evaluated.  We spent 4 hours waiting, and waiting, and waiting.  Apparently the possibility of an ectopic pregnancy sends doctors into an absolute panic.  It is a very scary, life threatening miscarriage to go through, and it is really important to catch it before it does any damage.

They wheeled me away to the radiology department where they did a very thorough, extremely uncomfortable ultrasound.  The tech was very by the book and didn't tell us anything.  We knew it wasn't good news when she kept listening for a heart beat and found nothing.  After all the waiting it was time to get Anna from school.  Michael waited until the last second and then bolted to pick her up. Of course the doctor came while he was gone to give us the news.  Thankfully I had some amazing friends to talk to as I received the news.

He said it was an ectopic like everyone suspected.  They searched and searched for a baby and found nothing.  No sign of a baby anywhere near the uterus.  This makes them assume it's ectopic and somewhere wrong like the tubes.  We left knowing the final outcome of this crazy roller coaster ride.

Tomorrow I will have a shot to end whatever cells exist in the tubes.  Like I said, we are extremely lucky they discovered this early enough to not have to do an emergency surgery to remove the tubes completely.  We are sad, mad, crushed, and also relieved that we FINALLY have an answer.  I will continue to get blood work done until my level has gone back down to 0.

We will be taking a few months off to recover from this heart break and will do another round of IVF in the fall.  I have decided to also take a break from blogging.  It has become too painful to write through the sadness.  I will never understand why this has been such a struggle for us and for others it seems so easy, but that's not for me to know.  I will blog again when we have actual GOOD news to share.