You're Pregnant, But...

I've been a little silent on my blog lately.  It was the only way to emotionally survive the waiting game we've been through.  Here's a quick recap before I tell you our newest roadblock.

Our transfer was almost two weeks ago.  It went almost perfectly.  Not only did both embryos survive the thaw, but they were already beginning to hatch by the time we saw a picture of them.  We were ecstatic at the news and felt so encouraged that our little ones were ready to do their thing.  We nicknamed them the go-getters.  The transfer went well, and I took it easy for a few days.  Then we started the waiting period.  I felt some strange pains early in the week, and we hoped and prayed it would be our embryos implanting.

On Wednesday I went in for my first blood test.  Our doctor doesn't tell us the results of the first one.  Last cycle we went back to the hospital on this day and found out our results.  It was hard to get the negative and still have to continue shots so we decided this time around to wait until the second test when the clinic called us.  We were very tempted to get them early or take an at home pregnancy test, but we resisted.

That brings us to yesterday.  We waited for the clinic to call hoping to hear "Congrats you're pregnant, and your numbers look great."  The nurse finally called and with hesitation in her voice told us that I'm pregnant, but my hcg number dropped in 48 hours instead of doubling like it's supposed to.  For most people this might not seem like a big deal because when you miss your period you take an at home pregnancy test that says positive and you move on.  Maybe you take one blood test but that's it.  With IVF and other infertility issues you have to get one every 48 hours.  Your numbers are supposed to double in that time frame.  My first test was a 23 which indicates that one embryo implanted, and the other didn't make it.  My number on Friday was a 22.  The nurse said that there was either a glitch in my test or it could be a chemical pregnancy which is basically an early miscarriage.

So tomorrow I will go in for another blood test that will determine if we keep going or start all over.  We are feeling pretty desperate for a miracle.  Tomorrow the number absolutely has to double.  Please pray that our numbers more than double and that this baby goes on to grow perfectly for 9 months.  This is just another example of the emotional roller coaster that is IVF.  I have longed for almost 2 years to hear the words "You're pregnant."  We felt sideswiped by the "but" part of the you're pregnant, but we are holding on to hope that everything is going to be okay.

Thank you for the response everyone is having to our newest challenge.  I went back and forth on whether I should post this blog, but I wanted to update everyone on what's going on.

Good to Go

I am now good to go for our next IVF transfer next week.  I had my lining check today, and it's nice and thick and ready for an embryo or two to implant.  Wow, I have gotten very technical during this process.  As I sat and watched my insides on the screen for the umpteenth time I whispered silent prayers to God asking Him to put a baby or two in there.  Who knows, maybe the next time I get an ultrasound it will be to look at an actual baby.  I don't even remember what that was like!

So, next week they will thaw out our sweet, strong blastocysts and transfer them into their natural habitat.  As soon as that happens I will be considered pregnant again and will hopefully stay that way for 9 months (power of positive thinking).

I downloaded the Time Hop App, and it keeps sending me pictures of sweet Anna 3 years ago at this time when she was a cute, chubby baby who couldn't even sit up.  If I had known how hard it would be to have another I would've cherished the baby days more.  I am just holding on to hope that we will get another chance.

I'm tired, emotional, and hormonal.  At the moment I'm wearing 3 estrogen patches, taking a steroid, and still doing Lupron shots.  The best part is that not only have I developed an allergic reaction to what's in the shot but also my stomach has gotten so tough that it takes a couple of stabs to get the needles in.  They need to make sharper needles for those who have gone through multiple rounds of IVF.  The good news is that it's almost in the past.  I have one more Lupron shot tonight, and then I start the inter muscular progesterone shots (a.k.a. butt shots) tomorrow night.  So if you see me waddling around for a few days that's why.

I honestly don't know how I feel about going through all of this again.  This is why it's awesome that I am surrounded by positive, encouraging people including my amazing husband.  The fact that he still wants to be around me after all of these ups and downs is a miracle in itself.  He keeps assuring me that this will be the one.  I don't feel confident enough to come out and make that kind of statement, but I'm glad one of us can.

So if you think of us next week please say a little prayer for our "babies" and for our sanity.

Let the Games Begin

Today is the day that our second IVF cycle officially begins!  I am feeling optimistic and hopeful thanks to some encouragement from a friend this morning.  I was feeling a little guilty wanting more children when we have this amazing little 3.5 year old who lights up our life every day.  She reminded me that it's not ungrateful to want more children and to hold on to the promises God's given us.  So if you are reading this, thank you for speaking life into our situation!  Anna truly is our reminder of how big God is, but we have such a strong desire in our hearts for more like her.  We would love it if our family consisted of 3 perfect girls right Michael?  I am testing to see if my husband is reading this :)

I headed to the hospital early this morning to get my first blood draw of the cycle.  Thankfully, for a frozen embryo transfer there are only two of these compared to the 6 or 7 I had with my first cycle.  Then after a trip to my RE for my baseline ultrasound (that literally lasted a minute), I was given the thumbs up to add some more medications to my regimen.  In addition to my Lupron shots, I am now taking aspirin, a steroid, prenatal vitamins, and wearing estrogen patches.  

Next week they will check my lining through another ultrasound to make sure everything is good to go for the transfer.  In the meantime we are just hanging out enjoying some trips and time together as a family.  This round I am trying massage therapy to see if it helps with the process.  Who doesn't love an excuse to get a 90 minute massage once a week?  I have this awesome therapist who is teaching me all about essential oil candles and taking deep breaths.  Although at my massage this week I was walking back to my car and a dog almost jumped through a car window at me.  I'm pretty sure that undid all the relaxation that happened in my session.  

So the games have officially begun for us in this next round.  July will be a month of waiting and hoping just like the many months and years before.  Thanks for the well wishes and prayers!