I know it seems like we have control over some of the things that happen in our lives but the truth is that we don't. Over the past year and a half as we have waited to have another baby this has become a reality to me.
I am a planner. I get a thrill from planning out our life. It seems like everything has gone our way in terms of the Navy which is hardly the case. We skirted through Power School, prototype, and SOBC without a single delay (If you're reading this and you're in the sub community you know that is a miracle these days). We asked for Washington and a boomer and we got it. We asked for NPS and we got it. We asked for another baby and we haven't gotten one yet!
It seems to be a slap in the face to realize how little control we have over this area of our lives. My days look like an emotional roller coaster as we deal with doctor's reports and things that are out of our hands. Dare I say that it is a fact that we don't get to pick when we have our kids, how we have them, or if they will be boys or girls? I feel like a downer telling people you can't control any of this but there is hope.
My hope is in God's goodness. I know He cares about the desires of my heart. He has heard our constant cries to add to our family, and He has been providing for us every step of the way. I mean life wouldn't be as adventurous if everything went according to my plans. So we will wait and keep waiting and pray for wisdom to know what the heck to pursue and what not to pursue.
Thank you to my friends and family and especially my husband who handle my roller coaster days with so much grace. It would be so much more lonely going through this without you all!
Tuesday, January 28, 2014
Tuesday, January 21, 2014
Post Baby Blues
Anna came into the world without warning 3 weeks early. I was NOT ready. My water broke and I was totally in denial. I even tried to go to the gym but after 5 minutes I decided it was not the smart move. Michael was in some kind of school at the time and taking a test so I couldn't interrupt so I drove myself to the hospital still in denial over the fact that my water broke. He got out of his test a couple of hours later and came over so it wasn't that big of a deal.
My body was not ready to go into labor. 24 hours after my water broke I was rushed in to have an emergency c-section. Her cord was coming out before she was. The told us about cord prolapse in our birthing class but said it happens to such a small percentage of people. Thankfully we were at the hospital when this happened so they could get her out quickly. Labor was not fun. They kept trying a million things to help me have her vaginally but my body and Anna seemed to reject them all. Finally they did a little slice and dice and there she was.
I still remember the moment so clearly. Michael brought her to me and she stuck out her lip about 6 inches and cried. She still does that to this day. My heart was overwhelmed with this girl who kicked and had the hiccups multiple times a day for 37 weeks in my womb. She was now in my arms. The girl we weren't even sure we would be able to have was finally here. That was when our world was turned upside down.
An hour after I got out of surgery my doctor (who I had never met before the c-section) came in and told me he found some alarming looking growths during my c-section. My ovaries were completely covered in cysts. He had never seen anything like that so he was nervous it was cancerous and informed me that they would send it off to the lab and we would know in 5 days. Are you serious 5 days??? Thankfully it wasn't cancerous but they did continue to grow and cause all sorts of problems. Hopefully the surgery that I just had took care of them. I could write a whole blog post on that incident!
Anna is a Washington born baby. The state that seems to think feeding your baby formula is a like giving them poison. I was dead set that I would breastfeed my little girl and love it. This was not the case. My milk NEVER came in! I tried all the tricks, saw multiple lactation consultants, and spent countless hours painfully trying to make it happen. Well it never did and Anna suffered because of it. Anna kept losing weight because they told us not to supplement because that would keep my milk from coming in. Finally after a week of this we snapped out of it and started feeding her formula. It took so much pressure off me but I still tried to breastfeed her what I had (which wasn't much). I would pump with a hospital grade pump and cry at how little came out.
She spit literally everything up. I think we tried 10 different formulas with her trying to find the magical one. I do not have fond memories of her being a little baby and that makes me sad but she was our learning experience. She cried ALL the time. Michael deployed when she was 7 weeks old and I went home to my mom and we took turns holding her as she balled up her fists and cried for so many hours a day. I have never felt so helpless. Meanwhile my c-section recovery was terrible. Now I know it was because I had an infection that I was fighting without medicine. I felt so guilty because this was the baby we prayed for almost a year and cried every month that passed that I wasn't pregnant.
I wouldn't trade that experience for anything now. Anna is a healthy formula feed baby and bottles worked great for us. At one we took the bottle away and she went on with her life. At 4 months we met an amazing pediatrician who helped me so much as a first time mom and she got a little better. Then at 8 months she finally stopped her painful crying fits and was a pretty happy girl.
This is why I am excited for the day we finally get to have another one. I know giving my kid a bottle won't be the end of the world and I know that it could take 8 months but they will grow out of the colicky time. I know that I can care for a baby while my husband is out to sea. Knowledge is power. Next time around we will be so much more relaxed. I won't feel ashamed when I whip out a bottle to feed my child. The list could go on. So we will continue to wait until we get the chance to do it all again! Thank you for coming along side of us and encouraging us while we wait. Another day has passed so we are a day closer to another dream coming true!
My body was not ready to go into labor. 24 hours after my water broke I was rushed in to have an emergency c-section. Her cord was coming out before she was. The told us about cord prolapse in our birthing class but said it happens to such a small percentage of people. Thankfully we were at the hospital when this happened so they could get her out quickly. Labor was not fun. They kept trying a million things to help me have her vaginally but my body and Anna seemed to reject them all. Finally they did a little slice and dice and there she was.
I still remember the moment so clearly. Michael brought her to me and she stuck out her lip about 6 inches and cried. She still does that to this day. My heart was overwhelmed with this girl who kicked and had the hiccups multiple times a day for 37 weeks in my womb. She was now in my arms. The girl we weren't even sure we would be able to have was finally here. That was when our world was turned upside down.
An hour after I got out of surgery my doctor (who I had never met before the c-section) came in and told me he found some alarming looking growths during my c-section. My ovaries were completely covered in cysts. He had never seen anything like that so he was nervous it was cancerous and informed me that they would send it off to the lab and we would know in 5 days. Are you serious 5 days??? Thankfully it wasn't cancerous but they did continue to grow and cause all sorts of problems. Hopefully the surgery that I just had took care of them. I could write a whole blog post on that incident!
Anna is a Washington born baby. The state that seems to think feeding your baby formula is a like giving them poison. I was dead set that I would breastfeed my little girl and love it. This was not the case. My milk NEVER came in! I tried all the tricks, saw multiple lactation consultants, and spent countless hours painfully trying to make it happen. Well it never did and Anna suffered because of it. Anna kept losing weight because they told us not to supplement because that would keep my milk from coming in. Finally after a week of this we snapped out of it and started feeding her formula. It took so much pressure off me but I still tried to breastfeed her what I had (which wasn't much). I would pump with a hospital grade pump and cry at how little came out.
She spit literally everything up. I think we tried 10 different formulas with her trying to find the magical one. I do not have fond memories of her being a little baby and that makes me sad but she was our learning experience. She cried ALL the time. Michael deployed when she was 7 weeks old and I went home to my mom and we took turns holding her as she balled up her fists and cried for so many hours a day. I have never felt so helpless. Meanwhile my c-section recovery was terrible. Now I know it was because I had an infection that I was fighting without medicine. I felt so guilty because this was the baby we prayed for almost a year and cried every month that passed that I wasn't pregnant.
I wouldn't trade that experience for anything now. Anna is a healthy formula feed baby and bottles worked great for us. At one we took the bottle away and she went on with her life. At 4 months we met an amazing pediatrician who helped me so much as a first time mom and she got a little better. Then at 8 months she finally stopped her painful crying fits and was a pretty happy girl.
This is why I am excited for the day we finally get to have another one. I know giving my kid a bottle won't be the end of the world and I know that it could take 8 months but they will grow out of the colicky time. I know that I can care for a baby while my husband is out to sea. Knowledge is power. Next time around we will be so much more relaxed. I won't feel ashamed when I whip out a bottle to feed my child. The list could go on. So we will continue to wait until we get the chance to do it all again! Thank you for coming along side of us and encouraging us while we wait. Another day has passed so we are a day closer to another dream coming true!
Friday, January 17, 2014
Great Test Results
Today I went in for my HSG test. I have been waiting over 10 weeks to get this done. I think I was more nervous about the pain than the actual results. A little codeine helped in the pain department. I brought my entourage with me (Michael and Anna) who waited in the posh spa like waiting room at CHOMP. I have never seen a hospital that looks so much like a spa. The nurse was a little surprised I wasn't bringing any one back with me to hold my hand through it but that wasn't an option.
After asking the nurse 1,000 questions we finally got started. I couldn't have asked for a nicer doctor than the one I got. He kept me preoccupied talking about Navy life. The test really wasn't that bad. I would compare it at times to a really bad contraction or cramping and it was all pain that subsided quickly. It was all over in about 30 minutes.
The dye passed really quickly through the left tube. I was already excited that at least one was working properly. I mean you only need one to get pregnant! Then he kept adding more dye to the right side and trying all sorts of tricks to get it through. Finally the dye came through the right side. He said it was hard to tell if it was blocked or not but I am guessing it was. So now my tubes are nice and clear. I know that is way too much information but I'm just so excited about it!
I meet with my doctor next week to discuss what's next. Hopefully this means everything is working right!
Thanks for all of your support and prayers. I will keep on blogging and telling my story!
After asking the nurse 1,000 questions we finally got started. I couldn't have asked for a nicer doctor than the one I got. He kept me preoccupied talking about Navy life. The test really wasn't that bad. I would compare it at times to a really bad contraction or cramping and it was all pain that subsided quickly. It was all over in about 30 minutes.
The dye passed really quickly through the left tube. I was already excited that at least one was working properly. I mean you only need one to get pregnant! Then he kept adding more dye to the right side and trying all sorts of tricks to get it through. Finally the dye came through the right side. He said it was hard to tell if it was blocked or not but I am guessing it was. So now my tubes are nice and clear. I know that is way too much information but I'm just so excited about it!
I meet with my doctor next week to discuss what's next. Hopefully this means everything is working right!
Thanks for all of your support and prayers. I will keep on blogging and telling my story!
Thursday, January 16, 2014
Tomorrow
I am not going to lie I really don't want to get this HSG test done tomorrow. I just wish there was a less invasive way of being able to tell what's going on. I know everything will be okay but the scary part is not knowing what okay will look like for us. I'm not sure how much they will tell us after this test. My follow up appointment with my doctor is next week. Please pray that I will be able to handle the pain and discomfort this test could bring. Whatever happens I believe we have been prepared as well as we can be for the news. Thanks for all the support. I'll try to fill everyone in once we get more info and have time to process it all. These days life seems to be full of opportunities to do things we really don't want to do but they are necessary to move forward.
Wednesday, January 15, 2014
My Laparoscopic Journey
I always knew surgery would be a possibility but in the back of my mind I kept hoping that we wouldn't need it this time around either. At the end of July I went back to my doctor and she did a general ultrasound.
The tech was freaked out at how many she saw and the size of them (I seem to send all my ultrasound techs into a little bit of a shock). I know I'm not a freak of nature but they seemed to think I was. Anyway my doctor was a little concerned and gave me the option to have surgery then or wait a couple of months. As much as I wanted to get it done right then there were some factors I just couldn't get over. Michael was deployed and I had no idea how long it would take to get word to him that I was having surgery. Also we were three weeks away from the movers coming to get all of our stuff and heading down to California. So I decided to wait until we got to our next place to see a doctor. It was a good thing because Michael ended up coming home 3 weeks later than expected AFTER the movers came. That's another story that we can now laugh about.
Things moved pretty fast when we got settled in California and I got set up with the right doctors. Another ultrasound and MRI showed that the cysts had grown and multiplied. They were also concerned that they might be tumors so I had blood work done and thankfully it came back negative. As soon as my doctor saw all of my test results she was very firm about me needing surgery as soon as possible. She was very concerned that my ovaries were damaged and wanted to act fast. Two weeks later I showed up at the hospital for surgery.
I had no idea what was going to happen. I couldn't wrap my mind around the fact that they would put me to sleep and I would have no decision making abilities in any way, but I knew that this was the right thing to do. I knew that for some reason I needed to have this surgery done and God set it all up for this exact time. I couldn't eat or drink the day before the surgery so my veins were so tiny. The nurse had to prick me three times before they got the IV in. I hate getting IV's and it stung like crazy but I kept telling myself "This will all be worth it in the end when you're holding another baby."
My doctor had no idea what to expect either. During my prep she said we will try everything to send you home today but you will probably have to spend the night and head home tomorrow. When she looked at me I could tell her heart was breaking for me. That or she felt sorry for me. Probably a little of both.
So they wheeled me away from Michael and I tried to think of something witty to say to him but I drew a blank. I was in a pre-operating room waiting my turn and all the nurses were off doing something else. It was my first time alone and I was trying everything to hold it together. I needed my nurse friends there to make jokes and keep things light. As I sat there I kept hearing the words "Be brave," so that's what I decided to do. I had to be brave. So much was depending on it.
I woke up a few hours later feeling the effects of the breathing tube and catheter being pulled out. I also felt like I had been punched in the stomach 100 times. My doctor came to visit saying that the surgery went well and that I would get to go home in a couple of hours.
After the surgery I found out what happened. Apparently after my c-section with Anna I had an infection that I didn't know about. It caused so much scar tissue to grow that it was lining everything and had wrapped itself around my tubes. There were also several more cysts than originally showed up on my tests. Thankfully the doctor was able to get most of it out. If I had waited any longer to get this surgery done the scar tissue could have done so much more damage. Also there was absolutely no damage to the ovaries which was amazing. They have no idea what caused this but are confident it won't return. So the surgery brought good and challenging news. Now we wait to see if the tubes are damaged or not and go from there.
It was another opportunity to trust God's plans for us. Thankfully my wonderful mom came out for ten days to help with Anna and Michael was in his first quarter of grad school so he was able to be there for everything. It's amazing to see how perfect the timing of it all was.
So now we will continue to be brave waiting for the unknown news that will tell us what is next.
The tech was freaked out at how many she saw and the size of them (I seem to send all my ultrasound techs into a little bit of a shock). I know I'm not a freak of nature but they seemed to think I was. Anyway my doctor was a little concerned and gave me the option to have surgery then or wait a couple of months. As much as I wanted to get it done right then there were some factors I just couldn't get over. Michael was deployed and I had no idea how long it would take to get word to him that I was having surgery. Also we were three weeks away from the movers coming to get all of our stuff and heading down to California. So I decided to wait until we got to our next place to see a doctor. It was a good thing because Michael ended up coming home 3 weeks later than expected AFTER the movers came. That's another story that we can now laugh about.
Things moved pretty fast when we got settled in California and I got set up with the right doctors. Another ultrasound and MRI showed that the cysts had grown and multiplied. They were also concerned that they might be tumors so I had blood work done and thankfully it came back negative. As soon as my doctor saw all of my test results she was very firm about me needing surgery as soon as possible. She was very concerned that my ovaries were damaged and wanted to act fast. Two weeks later I showed up at the hospital for surgery.
I had no idea what was going to happen. I couldn't wrap my mind around the fact that they would put me to sleep and I would have no decision making abilities in any way, but I knew that this was the right thing to do. I knew that for some reason I needed to have this surgery done and God set it all up for this exact time. I couldn't eat or drink the day before the surgery so my veins were so tiny. The nurse had to prick me three times before they got the IV in. I hate getting IV's and it stung like crazy but I kept telling myself "This will all be worth it in the end when you're holding another baby."
My doctor had no idea what to expect either. During my prep she said we will try everything to send you home today but you will probably have to spend the night and head home tomorrow. When she looked at me I could tell her heart was breaking for me. That or she felt sorry for me. Probably a little of both.
So they wheeled me away from Michael and I tried to think of something witty to say to him but I drew a blank. I was in a pre-operating room waiting my turn and all the nurses were off doing something else. It was my first time alone and I was trying everything to hold it together. I needed my nurse friends there to make jokes and keep things light. As I sat there I kept hearing the words "Be brave," so that's what I decided to do. I had to be brave. So much was depending on it.
I woke up a few hours later feeling the effects of the breathing tube and catheter being pulled out. I also felt like I had been punched in the stomach 100 times. My doctor came to visit saying that the surgery went well and that I would get to go home in a couple of hours.
After the surgery I found out what happened. Apparently after my c-section with Anna I had an infection that I didn't know about. It caused so much scar tissue to grow that it was lining everything and had wrapped itself around my tubes. There were also several more cysts than originally showed up on my tests. Thankfully the doctor was able to get most of it out. If I had waited any longer to get this surgery done the scar tissue could have done so much more damage. Also there was absolutely no damage to the ovaries which was amazing. They have no idea what caused this but are confident it won't return. So the surgery brought good and challenging news. Now we wait to see if the tubes are damaged or not and go from there.
It was another opportunity to trust God's plans for us. Thankfully my wonderful mom came out for ten days to help with Anna and Michael was in his first quarter of grad school so he was able to be there for everything. It's amazing to see how perfect the timing of it all was.
So now we will continue to be brave waiting for the unknown news that will tell us what is next.
Monday, January 13, 2014
"An Average Woman Takes a Year to Conceive a Baby"
"On average it takes a couple a year to get pregnant."
I swear OBGYN doctors love this phrase more than any other phrase out there. To be fair I have no idea what kind of ladies are coming in to their offices freaking out over not having any luck after 3 months of trying to have a baby.
I showed up to my new GYN's office as a 27 year old and this is what I was told. I totally understand it but a part of me wanted to ask the guy, "Are you on Facebook because my news feed suggests a different average than the one you speak of." Before my doctor friends chime in I know they are trying to take the pressure and stress off the situation because a lot of the time there is nothing wrong with the couple but it takes a little while. That is totally understandable.
My beef with the phrase was that I was in pain. Every month I had varying degrees of pelvic pain that lead to infections and I didn't feel right. It just so happened that at the same time we were trying to get pregnant. So if you're in pain and trying to get pregnant at the same time do you have to wait a year before being treated for the pain??
So I spoke up and this is when I learned to fight for my health care. Months went by before I went to the doctor and I kept thinking "I'll be pregnant soon and that will save me a trip to the doctor." Another infection sent me in and got the ball rolling.
If you're under 35 and struggling with fertility issues or pain I'm convinced they aren't really sure what to do with you. So my doctor started from the beginning and ran just about every test he could. I got to be great friends with the following things, ultrasounds (If you've ever had ultrasounds when a baby isn't involved they are just plain sad), MRI, CT scans, blood work, and I'm sure there are more I'm forgetting. Every test disproved what he thought was wrong. I went through 6 months of tests!
The final conclusion was that I had either endometriosis or ovarian cysts and I needed laparoscopic surgery to remove them. We went ahead and scheduled it to get it over with. At the time I was in a lot of pain with horrible pelvic cramping. One day the pain was so terrible I could hardly get out of bed. We even thought about going to the ER. After a couple of hours it subsided.
A week before my surgery, on my 28th birthday, I took a pregnancy test because I was late. To our surprise it was positive!!!!!! It turned out the worse than normal pains were probably implantation cramps. I got to stroll into my pre-op appointment and let my doctor know he wouldn't be needing to do surgery after all. It was such a whirlwind and I remember it like it was yesterday. God gave me the best birthday present ever with this news. That was over 3 years ago now.
We got pregnant with Anna after 10 months of trying and tests. She is our miracle and only God can explain how I even got pregnant with her. Our second time around has not been the same story but rarely are the stories the same.
16 months in, hormone medicine to try to reduce the cysts, countless ultrasounds, MRI's, and one laparoscopic surgery. Those are our stats at the moment. We will keep going until we see those two blue lines.
I swear OBGYN doctors love this phrase more than any other phrase out there. To be fair I have no idea what kind of ladies are coming in to their offices freaking out over not having any luck after 3 months of trying to have a baby.
I showed up to my new GYN's office as a 27 year old and this is what I was told. I totally understand it but a part of me wanted to ask the guy, "Are you on Facebook because my news feed suggests a different average than the one you speak of." Before my doctor friends chime in I know they are trying to take the pressure and stress off the situation because a lot of the time there is nothing wrong with the couple but it takes a little while. That is totally understandable.
My beef with the phrase was that I was in pain. Every month I had varying degrees of pelvic pain that lead to infections and I didn't feel right. It just so happened that at the same time we were trying to get pregnant. So if you're in pain and trying to get pregnant at the same time do you have to wait a year before being treated for the pain??
So I spoke up and this is when I learned to fight for my health care. Months went by before I went to the doctor and I kept thinking "I'll be pregnant soon and that will save me a trip to the doctor." Another infection sent me in and got the ball rolling.
If you're under 35 and struggling with fertility issues or pain I'm convinced they aren't really sure what to do with you. So my doctor started from the beginning and ran just about every test he could. I got to be great friends with the following things, ultrasounds (If you've ever had ultrasounds when a baby isn't involved they are just plain sad), MRI, CT scans, blood work, and I'm sure there are more I'm forgetting. Every test disproved what he thought was wrong. I went through 6 months of tests!
The final conclusion was that I had either endometriosis or ovarian cysts and I needed laparoscopic surgery to remove them. We went ahead and scheduled it to get it over with. At the time I was in a lot of pain with horrible pelvic cramping. One day the pain was so terrible I could hardly get out of bed. We even thought about going to the ER. After a couple of hours it subsided.
A week before my surgery, on my 28th birthday, I took a pregnancy test because I was late. To our surprise it was positive!!!!!! It turned out the worse than normal pains were probably implantation cramps. I got to stroll into my pre-op appointment and let my doctor know he wouldn't be needing to do surgery after all. It was such a whirlwind and I remember it like it was yesterday. God gave me the best birthday present ever with this news. That was over 3 years ago now.
We got pregnant with Anna after 10 months of trying and tests. She is our miracle and only God can explain how I even got pregnant with her. Our second time around has not been the same story but rarely are the stories the same.
16 months in, hormone medicine to try to reduce the cysts, countless ultrasounds, MRI's, and one laparoscopic surgery. Those are our stats at the moment. We will keep going until we see those two blue lines.
Sunday, January 12, 2014
A Positive Strep Test
This year for Christmas I got strep throat while we were visiting family in Houston. You better believe I was the first person at the Walgreens Wellness Clinic the next morning ready to be diagnosed. She took the Strep Test right away and what do you know two lines showed up. What came next just made my unassuming husband shake his head. I immediately got excited and said, "Yes we finally got a positive test!" Later he asked if the doctor really needed to know that. I told him I couldn't resist a humorous moment.
Negative pregnancy tests are hard to stomach when you try for a long time or even if you haven't been trying for long. I hardly ever take them anymore. I do still remember the elation when we finally got a positive with Anna. To be sure I took about 4 of them. One day we will get another positive and this time I will take 5 just to relish in the moment.
We have not lost our ability to make jokes through this process and I think that's really important. I love to laugh and I'm not going to let anything steal my laughter!
Here's to a positive test that doesn't involve strep in 2014!
Negative pregnancy tests are hard to stomach when you try for a long time or even if you haven't been trying for long. I hardly ever take them anymore. I do still remember the elation when we finally got a positive with Anna. To be sure I took about 4 of them. One day we will get another positive and this time I will take 5 just to relish in the moment.
We have not lost our ability to make jokes through this process and I think that's really important. I love to laugh and I'm not going to let anything steal my laughter!
Here's to a positive test that doesn't involve strep in 2014!
Saturday, January 11, 2014
The Standstill (An Update on Our Progress)
One of the reasons why I have been procrastinating on this blog is that I didn't know where to start telling our story. For now I think it's best to start where we are right now and work backwards.
At the moment we are at a standstill. It has been a long, emotionally painful 10 weeks of waiting. In November I had laparoscopic surgery to remove several large ovarian cysts. That is a story in itself that I will share eventually.
Long story short my doctor not only discovered more cysts than the MRI showed but also scar tissue that wrapped itself around my tubes. Apparently I had an infection after my c-section that I never knew about so it went untreated. Fun times. She was able to remove it all but is worried about the functionality of my tubes. I learned this information 20 minutes after I woke up from my surgery. Talk about a punch in the gut. We thought major surgery would be the remedy but instead we were faced with another factor that we had no control over.
We met with my doctor a week after surgery and talked about our next step. She informed me that I would need to wait until mid January to have an HSG test done which will show us whether or not my tubes are damaged. In the meantime we were told we had the green light to get pregnant and that would be the other way we could know if the tubes worked. We thought for sure I would get pregnant since all the scar tissue was removed. 3 cycles passed and no pregnancy so my test is now scheduled for January 17th.
I was upset that things didn't happen the way we wanted but I know there is a reason why I need to get this test done just like there was a reason why I needed to have surgery. My doctor says I am a great candidate for In Vitro so that's encouraging. I believe she said "I know this is hard to hear but in terms of fertility issues you are in great shape because your ovaries aren't damaged. There is always a way to have a baby with non-functioning tubes." It's always nice to have a doctor point this out because if there's no hope they will tell you straight up.
So on Friday we will have more answers. We have been waiting to pursue fertility doctors until we have the results. I have never been so ready to have a test done!
At the moment we are at a standstill. It has been a long, emotionally painful 10 weeks of waiting. In November I had laparoscopic surgery to remove several large ovarian cysts. That is a story in itself that I will share eventually.
Long story short my doctor not only discovered more cysts than the MRI showed but also scar tissue that wrapped itself around my tubes. Apparently I had an infection after my c-section that I never knew about so it went untreated. Fun times. She was able to remove it all but is worried about the functionality of my tubes. I learned this information 20 minutes after I woke up from my surgery. Talk about a punch in the gut. We thought major surgery would be the remedy but instead we were faced with another factor that we had no control over.
We met with my doctor a week after surgery and talked about our next step. She informed me that I would need to wait until mid January to have an HSG test done which will show us whether or not my tubes are damaged. In the meantime we were told we had the green light to get pregnant and that would be the other way we could know if the tubes worked. We thought for sure I would get pregnant since all the scar tissue was removed. 3 cycles passed and no pregnancy so my test is now scheduled for January 17th.
I was upset that things didn't happen the way we wanted but I know there is a reason why I need to get this test done just like there was a reason why I needed to have surgery. My doctor says I am a great candidate for In Vitro so that's encouraging. I believe she said "I know this is hard to hear but in terms of fertility issues you are in great shape because your ovaries aren't damaged. There is always a way to have a baby with non-functioning tubes." It's always nice to have a doctor point this out because if there's no hope they will tell you straight up.
So on Friday we will have more answers. We have been waiting to pursue fertility doctors until we have the results. I have never been so ready to have a test done!
Why in the World Would I Blog About This?
If you know me I tend to be a private person. Sometimes getting personal information out of me is like pulling teeth. I guess I have gotten better about it over the years but sharing hasn't been my strong point. So why in the world would I start a blog about our struggles with fertility?
Side note: I am not a fan of the world infertility so I will rarely use it. It sounds so final as if there is no hope and I don't believe that is the case.
Honestly I originally did not set out to bring hope to women in this area. Of course I offered support and prayer for those who shared their struggle with me but I started becoming more vocal about my struggles out of frustration. When Anna was around 15 months old I started getting the infamous question (from well meaning friends and complete strangers), "When are you going to have another one?" Or my least favorite statement, "You better get started on having another one so your daughter doesn't get too spoiled being the only child." Little did these people know that we were trying and these questions were like tiny daggers that stung like crazy. At first I decided to gracefully respond with some kind of fake statement like "Well my husband is gone for months at a time so it's a little hard to plan at the moment." Well the months kept ticking by with no sign of a pregnancy and the questions kept coming so I decided to get real with people whether they liked it or not!
It's interesting to hear peoples' reaction when you tell them you are having fertility issues. They rarely know what to do or say. In all fairness it probably wasn't nice of me to spring it on the random grocery clerk or nurse at the doctor's office first but they asked the awkward question so I practiced responding in a real way. I don't blame them for their weird response. I would react in the same way if I had no experience with it because our society remains silent about the topic as if it is something to be ashamed of. I won't go into a long dialogue over this but so much of a woman's identity has been wrapped up in our ability to make babies. As if being a fertile myrtle makes you super woman. The few stories I have heard about fertility problems involved amazing women who I would never second guess.
Side note: To all my fertile myrtle friends out there... You are amazing and please celebrate the ease in which you have been able to produce amazing life. I know I have probably asked you all on more than one occasion to pray like crazy for me so I appreciate your stories too.
Anyway to wrap this intro up, this is my blog. My stories probably won't go in any kind of chronological order since it goes back almost 5 years. I hope to be an encouragement to anyone who is silently struggling with these same issues. Also I hope to provide insight into what it's like to live in this world for those who have never experienced it. I am so inspired by the women dating back to the Old Testament who have gone before me in this process. You did not stay silent so neither will I.
So if you're interested please check back on here for updates, resources, and stories that will make you laugh and cry. Welcome to our world!
Side note: I am not a fan of the world infertility so I will rarely use it. It sounds so final as if there is no hope and I don't believe that is the case.
Honestly I originally did not set out to bring hope to women in this area. Of course I offered support and prayer for those who shared their struggle with me but I started becoming more vocal about my struggles out of frustration. When Anna was around 15 months old I started getting the infamous question (from well meaning friends and complete strangers), "When are you going to have another one?" Or my least favorite statement, "You better get started on having another one so your daughter doesn't get too spoiled being the only child." Little did these people know that we were trying and these questions were like tiny daggers that stung like crazy. At first I decided to gracefully respond with some kind of fake statement like "Well my husband is gone for months at a time so it's a little hard to plan at the moment." Well the months kept ticking by with no sign of a pregnancy and the questions kept coming so I decided to get real with people whether they liked it or not!
It's interesting to hear peoples' reaction when you tell them you are having fertility issues. They rarely know what to do or say. In all fairness it probably wasn't nice of me to spring it on the random grocery clerk or nurse at the doctor's office first but they asked the awkward question so I practiced responding in a real way. I don't blame them for their weird response. I would react in the same way if I had no experience with it because our society remains silent about the topic as if it is something to be ashamed of. I won't go into a long dialogue over this but so much of a woman's identity has been wrapped up in our ability to make babies. As if being a fertile myrtle makes you super woman. The few stories I have heard about fertility problems involved amazing women who I would never second guess.
Side note: To all my fertile myrtle friends out there... You are amazing and please celebrate the ease in which you have been able to produce amazing life. I know I have probably asked you all on more than one occasion to pray like crazy for me so I appreciate your stories too.
Anyway to wrap this intro up, this is my blog. My stories probably won't go in any kind of chronological order since it goes back almost 5 years. I hope to be an encouragement to anyone who is silently struggling with these same issues. Also I hope to provide insight into what it's like to live in this world for those who have never experienced it. I am so inspired by the women dating back to the Old Testament who have gone before me in this process. You did not stay silent so neither will I.
So if you're interested please check back on here for updates, resources, and stories that will make you laugh and cry. Welcome to our world!
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