Well last week we officially hopped back on the emotional roller coaster that is IVF. To be honest I don't know if we ever got off after our last cycle. Each new day brings a constant barrage of positive and negative emotions.
Last week we started shots again, and on Friday I got to take my last high powered birth control pill. I was on it for 4 weeks, and it once again made me feel like a crazy person. If this round doesn't work, I am going to have to have someone force feed the pill to me every day to do it again. Some days were absolutely miserable, and I gained a good 5 lbs. thanks to those special hormones. Thankfully the pills are in the past, and we are moving forward. I remember the nurse saying people complain the most about the pills in the IVF cycle, and I would totally agree with this, although the egg retrieval was pretty terrible too. At least the retrieval didn't last 4 weeks. I keep reminding myself that it is a means to an end, and it gets us one step closer to our next miracle.
I promised I would blog throughout this process no matter how hard it was, but it has become more and more difficult to find inspiration to write. Honestly, I am hopeful, heartbroken, excited, and tired all at the same time. We don't have the same spring in our step that we had last cycle. I've been told by other IVF survivors that this is the hardest part of the process, picking yourself up and trying again. I found this Thomas Edison quote that rings very true right now, "Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time." This came from the guy who invented the incandescent light bulb. Who knows how he was feeling when he decided to try one more time. So that's what we will do. We will try with our remaining blastocysts who are hanging out in the lab frozen in a couple of weeks and see what happens. In the meantime we will pray and hope this is the one and ask you to please join us in our prayers and believing for breakthrough.
My mom sent me a card for my birthday that was absolutely perfect. It says, "I know this hasn't been an easy year for you. That's why this birthday, I hope you close your eyes and make a wish from your heart. Don't be afraid to dream bigger and hope higher than you ever have before." When our hearts are broken we have the choice to retreat and never risk or put ourselves out there again. My heart literally hurts putting ourselves out there and doing this again, but I can't live any other way. Our dream for a multiple kid family burns so strong in our hearts. I can't help but dream bigger and hope higher this time.
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